The Elliot Mason Show Album

by Elliot Mason

supported by
/
  • Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

     name your price

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
02:18
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.

about

Have you ever wondered why there isn't an album with all the best bits from The Elliot Mason Show on it?
Of course you have what a stupid question.
Well ever wondered why no more!

We've gathered together the nations favourite sketches and songs (apart from the actually good ones that are on my other albums) and come up with this amazing compilation that can be yours for as little as absolutely nothing!

credits

released January 8, 2017

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Elliot Mason London, UK

Singer/Songwriter/Nutjob

contact / help

Contact Elliot Mason

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: The Elliot Mason Show - Theme Tune
Elliot Mason
Elliot Mason
Elliot Mason
Elliot Mas
It's the Elliot Mason Show
Track Name: My Life Is Wonderful
La da, la de di da. La da, la de di da
La da, la de di da. La da, la de di da

My life is wonderful
I live alone inside a cave
And it can get quite cold
And birds keep pooing all over my things
Oh well, I don't mind because I like it in my cave
Even though a man came and stole my dog and chopped him up for firewood

Oh, my life is wonderful
I wouldn't change it for the world
My father used to beat me up
And he wouldn't let me go to school
He said I was useless and annoying and a complete waste of space
He once put my guinea pig in the oven and turned it up to gas mark 8

Oh, my life is wonderful
My wife is having an affair
I love her more than words can say
And I cry myself to sleep ever night

Wonderful, wonderful
My life is wonderful

Oh, my life is wonderful
I dropped my passport down a well
My finger's got a paper cut
And I've run out of Frizz Ease for my hair
I'm now developing chest pains and I've got nothing to eat
My horoscope this morning said that my life is about to get much worse

Oh, my life is wonderful
My favourite mug has got a crack
A horse has eaten all my clothes
And my neighbour's started learning the violin
He only knows Frere Jacques and the theme from Different Strokes
I bought some peanuts the other day and they tasted a little bit funny

Oh, my life is wonderful
My bed is made out of a pointed rocks
I've lost my Tescos club card
And a bears just bitten off half of me leg

Wonderful, wonderful
My life is wonderful
Track Name: What's My Vegetable?
What's my vegetable?
What's my vegetable?
Yeah!
Track Name: The Thumb Just Came Off My Left Marigold
I was washing some pots and pans
I was washing em with me hands
But me hands were getting slightly wrinkly
And me fingers were a little crinkly

So I walked across the floor
And I looked inside a drawer
And I took out a pair of gloves
And I stuck em on me hands over me cuffs

I was scrubbing away
It was the 27th of May
But I scrubbed too hard if truth be told
Cos the thumb just came off my left marigold

Well the water started seeping in
To the inside of the glove within
And the water weighed me fingers down
And the whole thing made me wear a frown

Well I took off me broken glove
And I showed it to my beloved
And she looked at me in a way
That it would be rude of me to say

I was scrubbing away
It was the 27th of May
But I scrubbed too hard if truth be told
Cos the thumb just came off my left marigold

I was scrubbing away - scrubety scrubety scrub
It was the 27th of May - Mayety Mayety May
But I scrubbed too hard if truth be told
Cos the thumb just came off my left marigold

Oh I scrubbed too hard if truth be told
Cos the thumb just came off my left marigold
Track Name: Roamin' 'Round The Wreckage
Roamin' 'round the wreckage and reaching for a rose
I'm reaching out to someone who can help me blow my nose
I'm rummaging through my raspberries and reaching for a star
I wonder how much rhubarb I could fit into my car

Ruminating on my rhododendrons and raking up some rocks
I'm reeling out my fishing rod and rolling up my socks
I'm rubbing up against you and riding on a horse
I've never been to Rio but i've been on a first aid course
Track Name: Doors
Doors doors doors, lovely doors

You can open them up, close them again
Keep them ajar if your expecting a friend
Oh what a drafty world this would be without doors doors doors

You can paint 'em a colour or leave 'em alone
You can buy one in B&Q in store or by phone
But make sure you don't buy the wrong size

Oh doors, doors, doors

If you didn't have a door then you be stuck in your room
Unless you climbed out of a window
You couldn't get into the toilet at all
You'd have to wee into a corner

Oh they fill up a hole in the side of your house
They keep out gorillas and even a mouse
You can put in a flap for your cat though

Oh doors doors doors

Some of them have a little peephole thing
And you can spy on the postman and see what he brings
But be careful if he posts something heavy
Cos it might hurt your foot foot foot

Oh Argos and Currys and Wilkinsons too are accessed by going through a doorway
They have them all over in Belgium and Spain, and one or two over in Norway

Well there's five on my car not including the bonnet
Is a bonnet a door or a lid? Oh well sod it
I'm fond of a lid but I'm rather more partial to doors doors doors

Lovely doors.
Track Name: There's An Old Man In My Garden
There's an old man in my garden
And I don't know who he is
Oh well
Track Name: Me Father Was A Peaceful Man - Original Version
Me father was a peaceful man
He shot a priest and stabbed me nan
He drowned a rabbit in the bath and nailed his head above the hearth
Me father was a peaceful man

Me uncle was a lovely fellow
He'd punch you if you just said hello
He'd push our face into a cactus, if we moaned well then he whacked us
Me uncle was a lovely fellow

Me sister was a super lassie
She rugby tackled Shirley Bassey
She threw a strop in KFC and drove me car into a tree
Me sister was a super lassie

Me mother was a gentle woman
She'd shoot you if she saw you comin'
She bit the head off all who met her, bitched about you in a letter
Me mother was a gentle woman
Track Name: A Million Pounds
If I was given a million pounds
What would I do with a million pounds?
I'd make a nice sandwich and have a sit down
If I was given a million pounds

I'd build a big spaceship and fly into space
I'd have a look round and see what it's like
I'd wave at the aliens out the window
I'd make em all sandwiches whatever they liked

I'll take lots of beetroot and mayonnaise
And everything else that tastes nice in a sandwich
Like cheese and tomato and ham and eggs
And I'd watch them all eat with their alien mouths

And when I've run out of petrol up there
I'll say my goodbyes and come back down here
Then I'd go on a trampoline and have a sit down
If I was given a million pounds

A million pounds
Track Name: Follow Me On Twitter
Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Wouldn't that be nice?

Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Wouldn't that be nice?

Follow me to work
Follow me back home
Follow me into the bath
Follow me on the phone

Follow me into the kitchen
Follow me off a pier
Follow me round the corner
Follow me err had some beer

Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Wouldn't that be nice?

Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Follow me on twitter
Wouldn't that be nice? No
Track Name: Roamin' 'Round The Wreckage - Documentary Version
Roamin' 'round the wreckage and reaching for a rose
I'm reaching out to someone who can help me blow my nose
I'm rummaging through my raspberries and reaching for a star
I wonder how much rhubarb I could fit into my car

Roamin' 'round the wreckage
Oh, it's The Elliot Mason Show

Buy my cd